I’m back in the groove ~TJ135

Well here I am back in the ‘losing a little bit a day groove’ Had a blip there, some depression, being treated thanks to employer and friends and of course Steve!

So a week or so of self indulgence, eating whatever found its way to my hand/mouth and now back on the road to recovery from the depression and on the road to health, fitness, weight loss and the start of a new way of life.

I expect there will be bumps, blockages, twists, turns, up and down hills and many other things on this road, but I also know that all I have to do every single day is try my best, stay positive, strive for my goals, seek help when needed,  for that will be good enough, and I can do no more than that.

 

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Trend, does it matter? ~TJ128

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So some fuss has been made about the 29 days continual weight loss and the nice trend line that was produced from that, when I look back over the figures a similar thing happened in June and the angle of the line was very similar. The difference this time is that I had lost focus, wasn’t trying that hard, had not hit a plateau, and was not exercising as much. I had drifted into a position where nearly everyone was telling me I was looking great, I was being chatted up by random men when out with friends, I was hearing , ‘You look great in xxxx’ as opposed to the previous, ‘what a lovely top/skirt etc’ ie the compliments had moved away from being about my choice of clothing to me looking good. All these things combined and conspired (subconsciously) with family and work stresses into making me less interested in continuing, the doubt had set in.

Steve decided to question whether I wished to continue, my doctors are deliriously happy with my weight loss, I was looking and feeling good, did I want to lose more weight, tone up, or start to move towards learning how to maintain weight and shape. The only pressure from him was to examine myself and my wants/needs/desires regarding my body size, shape, fitness nd health and decide what I wanted to do; to set some goals and actual targets as opposed to ‘I want to lose weight’.

So I considered, he also is big into visualisation, and I have to say I am not, I think it is nonsense but nonetheless I went along and looked for pictures of the size/shape that would be my ideal. Marilyn Monroe was said to have had the perfect figure for a woman – statistically her bust to waist and waist to hip ratio is 0.70 ie 36 bust 26 waist and 36 hips. Most clothing manufacturers will have hips a minimum of 2 inches bigger than the bust. I think MM looked amazing and I would like to achieve that ratio, if not those actual numbers (that is a long way away and a huge amount of work).

So then decision made to continue and something had to be done to refocus my attention on the weight loss. strength stuff and exercising despite what life was and continues to throw at me (no more than anyone else I imagine but at times overwhelming and all consuming). At this point the brain was to be the focus of the efforts, positive mental attitude, meditation, visualisation of what I want to look like, walking down the beach in a size 12 cossie etc, (this particular tool I don’t like, I may have a limited ability to think in this way) .

Much to Steve’s surprise I took all this ‘woo woo’ stuff on board with relish, I tend to the ‘give me facts and empirical data’, science, prove it stuff, but when you think about it all the spiritual/mental stuff does is to make you focus on the job in hand ie not eating like a pig, thinking about food in a positive way, trying to concoct meals that are tasty, nutritious and filling, trying to overcome the sense of deprivation that comes with restricting the things that you eat and drink. It turns the ‘I can’t have’, ‘I’m not allowed’, ‘I must ..’ type sentences into ‘I will do’, ‘I want..’, it is a very simple trick to play on your mind and it worked for 29 days made me focus on every bite of food every drink etc.

In the end the trend matters as a tool, it shows you the general direction in which you are going, for those of you not maths inclined it is basically the average of the daily weight figures or a straight line that is drawn through the middle of the ups and downs, it is a visual indication that all that slight up , slight down roller coaster look to a weight loss graph is actually Ok and that overall the trend is downwards, of course the trend can also be flat or upwards.

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Post 10k ~TJ98

I expected to be tired, have DOMS and loads of little nanobots in fixing my muscles after yesterday – and the temporary weight gain that that brings – but nothing, no pain, a slightly sore ankle is all.

Does this mean I didn’t work as hard as I thought, or does it mean that I am fitter than i thought I was? Or does it mean absolutely nothing and I should stop psycho analysing everything in my life and just accept that sometimes things just are what they are!

Inspiration from my mother ~TJ33

I have had a very bad morning, my mother asked me to help with housework, so of course I did. When I got there I was shocked to see how tired and weak she was. Eventually she went back to bed and I got on with the work, but was becoming more upset as I worked, I had the feeling that she was dying, not imminently, but sooner than expected.

When I had all my health issues a few years ago she was relatively healthy for a woman in her sixties, but she refused to listen to doctors telling her to give up smoking and alcohol, to eat properly and to exercise more. Over the last five years she has had many new conditions, cellulitis which knocked her for six was the first, leaving her frightened and frailer than before the illness.

Then the arthritis got worse and was accompanied by osteoprosis, still at this point she could do something like more exercise, healthier food – all the usual suspects. 2 years ago she was diagnosed with emphysema and continues to smoke 250 cigarettes a week at a cost of about £70.00 a week. She continues to eat a poor diet, high in sugar and salt (she has low blood pressure) and was recently diagnosed with Diabetes 2. She has cut back a little but basically lives on cakes, biscuits, chocolate and a tiny dinner everyday. She is unable to stay awake for longer than a few hours at a time, she is exhausted all the time and as her daughter it is terrible to watch her suffer and deteriorate on a daily basis.

This then, is my biggest motivator and inspiration for losing weight, getting physically stronger, eating healthily etc – i simply do not want my children to go through what I am going through, although of course to an extent they are as she is their nan. I am sure that sounds selfish of me but it is how I feel at this point.

Some people may think me mean for saying these things, but today I just have to write what I feel, I have to let the emotion out, I am deeply concerned for my mothers health, she refuses a doctor. She had blood tests last week and hopes that these will tell her something good. I cannot tell her what I think.